I’m still an artist.

I never thought this would happen to me.

A few days ago, I was enjoying art a little more than I usually do and I got really torn up about the whole Concept Art thing.  I grew really jealous of the artists I was admiring and kept thinking to myself “Wow, that’s amazing.  I’ll never be able to do that.”

Then I looked through my old sketchbook.  The one I drew in every day thinking it would help me get into the animation program.  And you know what?  There’s some pretty good stuff in there.  Maybe I’ll post a couple scans to Brandimation.

No, I’m not going to change my major back to Animation BFA or make any other drastic changes like that, but I’m also not going to give up on myself as an artist.  I decided that I still want to learn how to draw, but I don’t think I could ever handle doing it for a job.  I decided I would rather draw in my sketchbook whenever I fancy rather than fill out a page requirement for a class.  This won’t help me become a great artist as fast as other people who do do this, but I’d much prefer learning at a slower rate, one where I can actually enjoy the process of drawing.

Thinking about this makes me consider other things I’m good at (or at least I perceive myself to be good at) like writing and piano improv and mild parkour.  I don’t set times at which I practice either of those things, I just do them.  I like doing them so much that I make time to do them, and as a result I’ve gotten rather good at doing them.  In fact, if I started disciplining myself to write three essays every day or practice piano for an hour every day or go running and jumping every morning I think I would start to hate it.  I’ve decided if this strategy and mentality works with writing and parkour and piano, it will work with drawing too.

As far as computer science goes, I think I’ll be great at doing that for a career.  I can easily dedicate hours to fixing problems or adding functionality to projects (as proven by my past experience) and I believe that I have the ability to address the specificity and sophistication required in this field much more easily and much faster than I would in an art career.  In a way, I think creating art as a career almost defeats the purpose of art for me – I don’t want to create art for a job, I want to make it because I like doing it.  In a way I value art more than I do computer science, as I feel fine getting paid to program computers because I’m not as emotionally attached to doing so.

So.  I am still an artist.  I’m going to draw whenever and whatever I feel like.  I’m going to have peace of mind every time I admire the work of another artist because I know I can be creative too.  I’m going to start believing the people that can tell me I can draw well because you know what?  To some extent, I actually can.

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